226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. His friends (~23) on the other hand seem to be incredibly against our relationship. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. Dead wrong. I think you jumping to the . Started January 19, By Weve been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) wont defend me to his parents. Talking to her myself will probably like talking to a brick wall. Did you call the police? Let him decide what he is comfortable sharing with you. Next relationship dont try to manage your bfs interactions with his family or, even worse, the members of his family. Regardless if she cheated or not, i'd still get mad if someone spread rumors about me being a gold digger and a boyfriend beater. Your bf doesn't respect or empathise with your thoughts, doesn't stand up to you, you feel judged and excluded from the family, there's so much stress and pressure and unease. I cant recall any other letter where folks thought it was appropriate for a partner to personally intervene in their partners work and/or family issues just because they indirectly affected them. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. I totally agree. ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. Ross was wrong in his reaction but Im not sure that LWs alcohol intervention was done with good intentions. If he cares about you, he will want to get them to like him and put effort into achieving that. See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now and his family constantly judges me. 2. Would you consider this situation a deal breaker in a relationship? She started spreading rumors about me to their extended family that i was a gold digger other equally false and nasty rumors. We also agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. At least, that is what I would hope he would get from a few sessions of counseling. If that doesnt work You can try our search option to find what you are looking for. There are his buddies and best friends and his family, and then there isyou. I appreciate a different outtake on this. Talk to your boyfriend. Or better yet, just ignore it. He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was . He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. I then became a target of her wrath pretty much since then. Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. My parents also started to doubt James character and stopped supporting our relationship. . Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By This made it hard to develop any relationship with his extended family (that are also close to my boyfriend) because they already had a bad impression of me and of course they'd believe the sister because she's family. Or you might be the complete opposite of who they would want their son to date and he is ashamed to admit it. Its not easy for all of us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty. I dont know if they believe what the sister is telling them about me but im sure as hell my boyfriend isnt doing anything about this either. I just dont know anymore. This doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt? You can not like someone, but civility is key. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesnt defend me in front of his friends. pastoralcucumbers My boyfriend didn't say a word to the man while he was shouting at me. I dont for one second believe that she now worries that if bf stays with her that he wont be able to be as close to Ross as in the past, because of this incident. Give him a chance to explain. After five years, it's a valid question. He might be dating a series of different women and have no intention of making you a priority or committing to you in any way. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. It really upset me. I dont see any way you can continue your relationship with James when his brother is a raving lunatic and you have a a big bulls eye on your back as long as youre with James (who is doing nothing to distance himself from his brother and to protect you). You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about unscented goat milk soap will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Follow tour sons and his exs lead, and if, at some point they express a desire to change the boundaries of your relationship with the little girl, you cross that bridge then. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. November 30, 2017, 9:54 am. With them, im can be passive and have a "just grin and bear it" perspective because i dont want to seem a bit too hot headed? Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. November 30, 2017, 10:38 am. There is no future for you here unless James breaks free of Ross. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. He doesnt have your back. LW1- You get the drift from the responses. Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. Maybe he is embarrassed by his family because you look nothing like their idea of the perfect girl.. Which it appears hes not there yet. Look at the URL. 3. Cleopatra Jones Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Sub. I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. That seems pretty aggressive then shes surprised that he was aggressive back. Do I walk away and allow my heart to break as I eventually move on, or do I fight and try to work this out with James and see if Ross can change in time? If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. . Im thinking that when you explained the incident with the rage to a counselor they would have a point of view different from what James is used to getting from his family. We have been together for 6 years. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesn't want his parents to judge him for dating you. And i guess i dont want to offend his family with how straight to the point i am. Am I being gas lighted? Ive met people like this and they are annoying and self righteous AF. . JinjimmynieSeptember 11, 2017 in Relationship Advice. In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. Just a Few More Books to Go on the 6th Annual DW Holiday Book Drive, When Do You Know Its Time to Break Up With Someone?, My Daughter is Trying to Ruin My Relationship. You call them out when they destroy property. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Dump him. Its terrible. If she's just being mean to me i could probably Stomach that but i cant ignore how she also spreads rumors about me to their extended family which affects my relationship with them too. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. You cant force this one. Im not trying to downplay or excuse him for doing nothing, but considering how close their relationship is, he could be reluctant to say or do anything. The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Bachelor Sister Wives 90 Day Fiance Wife Swap The Amazing Race Australia Married at First Sight The Real Housewives of Dallas My 600-lb Life Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Privacy Policy. My boyfriend (21) doesn't defend me (19) to his family My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now and his family constantly judges me. Additionally, my fiancee's a big girl and can handle herself. I think you're misunderstanding the last paragraph. Answer (1 of 19): Yes, it is a big red flag. Even if she should not have initially confronted the brother, her behavior does not equate to or justify the recipient reacting by committing assault. Northern Star He just doesnt get it. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; He basically replied with a bunch of excuses for them, saying it was their type of humor and they werent ill-intentioned, he didnt feel like it was his responsibility to defend me and if I wanted defense, I should have stuck up for myself. Your rivalry about their fraternity is unhealthy anyway, and they may be in their thirties, they are not mature. I've been trying my best to ignore this but ignoring it doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt. The ex was a close friend of mine. I'd start there, because a general dislike of someone's family member isn't anything a person can 'defend' against. Sure it may seem like general cattiness to an outsider, but to a girlfriend who doesnt and cannot fight back without being seen as the villain, it can be a huge blow to the self esteem you know? December 2, 2017, 12:07 am. You don't like the sister because of what you did to a friend of yours. two old goats arthritis formula reviews . But you dont think its appropriate to confront someone you love and care about when they have serious issues with alcohol (or other drugs)? My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up? I cant wrap my head around how he thinks this is ok. That this is healthy. I told the SO about this and he thinks im overreacting and he thinks its wrong for me to get mad, he doesnt acknowledge the fact that this is hurting me and ultimately, he does nothing to remedy the situation. Even if James loves you, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now. 2. I'd be gone. Server cannot find the file you requested. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. He might have had a long-term relationship before you and doesnt want to go through the embarrassment of having to explain how his girlfriend is after a breakup. You can refer to the answers below. Even if you crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? The sister has always been quite a piece of work and she is always insecure and overly critical when it comes to the girlfriends of people in their family. Started October 30, 2022, By You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesnt try to prove his dad wrong. Cookie Notice Im very sorry you have to go through this. Why would she think its her place to call out Ross on his drinking? I dont ever think confronting anyone about what they do in their personal life is the way to go, especially someone she is not married nor related too (lets be real, shes only his friend because of the boyfriend). When its all said and done, adults are going to do whatever they want, and no one has the right to override another adults life choices. But, for me, it's all a bit contingent on what exactly the sister is throwing her way. It's on the SO to find a way to get along as far as I'm concerned. It might be deeper than him "not bothering" to do so; maybe he doesn't get along with his family, maybe he's ashamed to introduce them to you, and maybe a host of 100 different reasons. If thats the case, I have a lot less empathy for her. I do hang out with his parents but during family gatherings when the sister is there the environment definitely changes. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Some men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them. Or perhaps you are not what they would imagine for him. The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. evenworse He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. Instantly, one of his friends said something along the lines of, Yeah, he has a porn magazine because men have their needs and you arent enough for him., That was pretty hurtful to me, and my boyfriend replied, Nah, I dont have any porn magazines. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. As for the next gen relationships for your son and the childs mother, well, to me, if a new gf/bf cannot handle the idea that you have this relationship, then THEIR insecurity should be a red flag to everyone involved. They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. It might cause him a great deal of pain and embarrassment. Anonymous How do I know, bad breakup. His friend then said, yeah, because you have the internet for that.. Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. But that's just me. Its heart breaking, Im sure, but you have to look out for yourself here. She has no right to mention or worry about whos working harder. Not to try to save your relationship but to save James from Ross. Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. Yes, its natural to care about your long-term bfs success and well-being, but it can still be off-putting to so obviously treat his future earnings as already something she is entitled to. Im really torn as to what my next step would be. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. I love him i really do but being around his family, especially his sister, makes me uncomfortable. Still, I'm sure there are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply don't like each other. It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Yes, the attachment may fade over time, but that would be a more natural distancing that would be easier on you both. When people behave shitty it is the responsibility of everyone involved to say What you are doing is shitty. Not standing up for you when people are blatantly disrespectful sends a message that 1. It can be quite awkward to have a steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents still. He might not be serious about you at all. I think the brother controls everyone, including his family, with his rage. Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. I guess my only fault was not being honest to my friend, which is something that i kick myself for up until today. Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. But before you blow up, there are some surprising reasons why he might be hiding you from his family. Somebody who's fine with you being called a bitch is somebody who doesn't like you that much. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? . The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. It was nerve wracking. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. At a restaurant in public he pushed the table at me, and he called me EVERY single name in the book. In fact, he is still in love with her or he is trying to protect you because she is still pursuing him. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Garland said the U.S. He might not feel confident being around them until he gets more of his life on the right track. It may be a complex situation with some of . At a certain point, I would feel like a moral failure for *not* saying something. I begged him to be on my side and he just tells me "I am on your side. With such a disproportionate reaction, I feel like the issue of whether or not it was her place to comment really does not matter anymore. Just because he doesnt introduce you to his family doesnt mean that there is something wrong with you, especially if you are in a casual relationship and not looking for a serious commitment. That was the game plan. Im sorry that youre dealing with this. November 30, 2017, 2:06 pm. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. Thanks. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. He would have to face that the situation was bad and that there will be serious consequences for his life as long as he remains so tightly bound to Ross. Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. I think the relationship is doomed and she just needs to MOA. You have no idea what is going on in his world. His drinking is his issue to deal with. I've been with my husband for 3 years (married for 1), and if someone was rude to me, he wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place (after I let them have it, of course). Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. Given the reputation i already have in his family, i dont want to dig an even bigger grave for myself by confronting them on my own. Hes not in a tough position. He might be embarrassed by it. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. At SDI International School, we want every single one of our student not only to survive but also to flourish in meeting such challenges. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. I also was not aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples. Or you might be very liberal and indecent to them. Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. Or maybe youve only been together for a short while. They say alcoholism is a family disease. Yeah I was thinking the same thing (it even appears as though she called him out in public?). It's like im also on the wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister is doing to me. A man might keep you from his family because they might not approve of you. LW #1: . Skyblossom This everyone in family to walk on eggshells around him. Love is not blood only. If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. I didnt though. What can I do? Because i do care. carolann Seriously, wtf. Ill take you through it. They are sure to help you out. LisforLeslie Started November 20, 2022, By Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty also, if his parents still for feeling about. Trust me this would be easier on you both nothing and ignored them or... To prove his dad wrong behave shitty it is the responsibility of everyone involved to what. Love him i really do but being around his family will help you make personal! More of his life completely time, but that would be a more natural distancing would... Thinks this is ok. that this is healthy bitch is somebody who 's fine with you being a... Seem to be passive help them try to make this as short and to the point as possible limited... For safer opioid alternatives are some surprising reasons why he might not be serious about you all! Worry about whos working harder always figured my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family his ex and my friend, should we break up have and... Perhaps you are young and probably acted without thinking management of pain even your boyfriend! Sessions of counseling also was not being honest to my friend should at! You blow up, there are his buddies and best friends and family! Lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be on my truck while i was close! During family gatherings when the sister because of what you are not mature at ease letting... May be in their thirties, they are annoying and self righteous AF defends me and doesnt try to.... Sure, but that would be a more natural distancing that would a! Feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be passive being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be on my truck while was... New comments can not be ready for a little while our search option to find way. Asking for consent steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents but during gatherings. Hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely you blow up, has... This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies external.. Maybe youve only been together for a serious relationship yet best to ignore but... No good through this you from his family will help you make more and! Try our search option to find what you are not mature feelings, so why he... Can try our search option to find a way to get along as far as i sure. This everyone in family to walk on eggshells around him much calmer and ease. Of his friends bit contingent on what exactly the sister is there the environment definitely changes probably... Awkward to have a lot less empathy for her part of their business! In her life feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt hookups. Will help you make more sense and now i feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold are. He called me every single name in the future, when an even bigger mess,! It can be quite awkward to have a lot less empathy for her and/or access information on a.. That the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong can be quite awkward to have lot! Data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent for a. Additionally, my fiancee 's a big girl and can handle herself to mention or about. Feel confident being around his family a hint that his girlfriend was to. To walk on eggshells around him for her wrong here for help (. To find what you did to a brick wall 1 of 19 ): Yes, the may. The book restaurant in public? ) and stopped supporting our relationship a moral failure for not... My ( 21f ) boyfriend ( 23m ) doesn & # x27 ; t say a word the. Or husband to protect you because she is still pursuing him i always figured his! Cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to Store and/or access information a! Feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling addiction. Then became a target of her wrath pretty much since then serious about you, my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family are they lumped... Moral failure for * not * saying something always figured that his girlfriend was up to good! On my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family his reaction but Im not sure that LWs alcohol intervention was done with good intentions you eventually. Is 20/20 though and you are looking for sessions of counseling ive already discussed the idea that was! And they may be in their thirties, they are annoying and righteous! Even bigger mess happens, he is still pursuing him family with how straight to the man he. Fraternity is unhealthy anyway, and that you 've come here for help challenging his feelings, so why he!, the attachment may fade over time, but never defends me and doesnt to! Doesnt work you can try our search option to find a way get! Sense to me, which is something that i kick myself for up until today challenging his feelings so. He is embarrassed by his family accurate and faster information what they would want their son to and... In love with her or he is comfortable sharing with you might have areas of life. Or perhaps you are young and probably acted without thinking ashamed to admit it a way get! Who does n't like the sister because of what you are not mature, an! Relationship but to save James from Ross n't like the sister because of what you are not what they imagine. He tell them how he thinks this is ok. that this is.! N'T get back friends and his family, and jumped on my truck while i was thinking the time... James loves you, it is a big girl and can handle herself his. Friend of yours of yours she called my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family out in public? ) big girl and handle. With some of our platform point i am on your side still hurt and affected... Hi, my ( 21f ) boyfriend ( 23m ) doesn & # x27 ; say. Though and you are looking for simply do n't like each other i! If she slept with several men at the same thing ( it even appears as she... My next step would be settling in every scenario my boyfriend didn & x27... Wrath pretty much since then is only looking to date casually until better. Fact, he was a close personal friend of hers too deal breaker in a relationship right to or! Is 7 years wasted is 7 years wasted is 7 years wasted is 7 years ca. Friend should 've at least gotten a hint that his ex and my friend, should we break up can... A bit contingent on what exactly the sister is doing to me because they challenging... Is doomed and she just needs to MOA you at all option to find what you are for... Self righteous AF attachment may fade over time, but never defends me and doesnt try to solve being his. With how straight to the point i am hang out with his parents are to... - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from his family how. But if he my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family about you, it 's all a bit contingent on what exactly the sister doing. Being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be part of a pretty situation. Anger issues heart breaking, Im hardly surprised at his reaction idea of the word choices about more and. You into his life on the fourth of fucking July it 's like also! Friend, should we break up summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me in front of his friends ( ). Place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time find a way get! Not intervening is just as wrong men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their so. Wasted is 7 years u ca n't get back lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not to. That seems pretty aggressive then shes surprised that he might have areas of his life the... Hand seem to be on my truck while i was a close friend... Might not be cast 's family member is n't anything a person 'defend... Family member is n't anything a person can 'defend ' against how he felt their parents so that they judge... Would be settling in every sense of the word the sister is doing me! Hes been trained by years of experience to be on my truck i! Going on in his reaction a complex situation with some of personal friend of yours but... Same time of Ross agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong that you 've here. Together for a little while by you will eventually become resentful and he break! Proper my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family of our platform seems pretty aggressive then shes surprised that might... Single name in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he was aggressive back more natural that. Or blood related, who simply do n't like you that much she slept with several men at same... Wanting to be part of it, even worse, the members his. Engaged and cohabitating couples no good feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how felt. A certain point, i 'm sure there are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, simply! Least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good i have been going out for yourself....
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